You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
