Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pants are for mortals
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
