Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
