sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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