My friends, they love my intelligence
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
