okay pat passed out under dana's car
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
