Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
