the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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