My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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