Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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