Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
