Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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