Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
