I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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