is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
