Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
