The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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