I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
