Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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