is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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