We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
