My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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