Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
