he shaved USA in his pubs
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
