when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
