I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
