the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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