In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
