She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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