if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i will never coherently bang her
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everclear isn't food dammit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
