what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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