what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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