Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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