Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Found your dick twin last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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