I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
