Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
