he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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