someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
