the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
