I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Are we still banned from the library?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
