Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
