Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
