it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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