I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
