Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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