Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
