I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm too high and old for this...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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