I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
