C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sorry my hands just texted you
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
