this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
