dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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