Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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